Don’t Ask! – Why not?
Scripture Reading: Si 11:1-11; Rm 3:28-4:8; Mt 7:1-11
Reflections from a Monk
Glory be to Jesus Christ!
“Children are to be seen and not heard!” That’s an expression I grew up with. I’m not sure how many others had the same experience. I’m even less sure if it is still a common aphorism today. However, one thing I do know, from personal experience, is that a statement like that can stay with you well beyond your youth. It can seep into your subconscious being and affect how you deal with your very real needs. “Oh, I shouldn’t ask for that, I shouldn’t even want it! Its selfish. Whatever I’m supposed to have, others will decide for me.” This is not a healthy place to be. Of course, we might find ourselves in that place even without that particular childhood experience. Nevertheless, the Gospel is emphatic on this point: “Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you.” Not a call for timidity or hesitancy.
Sometimes in our liturgical practice, or even in our personal prayer life, we can misunderstand the value of asking God for anything. Liturgical litanies can be characterized as simply a “gimme” exercise. Give me this, give me that. To avoid that one may come to believe that worship is only about praise and remembrance and not about reliance on God and giving thanks. Private prayer and meditation can become a resting place rather than an active communion with our triune God. And yet if we are hesitant to ask for what we need, then the life we live will be diminished from what God has offered to us. If we are hesitant to turn to God with our real concerns and place them at his feet, so to speak, then we may be cutting ourselves off from God by acting in a way that says, we don’t need you, we can do it all ourselves. Following this path can lead us into a trap in which we believe that God is the creator of life but no longer involved in that creation. Tom Wright, in his commentary Matthew for Everybody, quoted an Anglican Bishop who once said, “When I pray, coincidences happen; when I stop praying, the coincidences stop happening.” This may be happening to us and we may not even be aware of it. So, the first step is to learn to ask.
We have a friend of the community who has been helping us learn about something called development. In our case this is a process that calls on us to expand our understanding of our ministry in a way that invites others who do not live in the monastery to become active participants in the ministries of the community. This concept is sometimes referred to as co-ministries. But, at its base, what it is saying to us is we have to ask others to join with us in our life and activities. We have to ask for help. Help that may come in the form of volunteer efforts and/or financial or other types of donations. As we entered into this process we have learned that many people want to help and are happy that we have finally asked. Learning to ask when in need: A Gospel lesson we may not have even recognized as such until now! In addition to learning to ask, we then need to notice that God is involved in this process.
Another situation in which asking for what one needs may arise is when a person is applying for a job. It’s the fearful job interview that at some point will get to the issue of pay. When that moment arrives the potential employer may ask what level of pay are you willing to accept. Many people are reluctant to answer directly. Rather, the person might say: “Oh, I don’t know.” Or they might turn the question around and say “whatever you think is fair.” To recognize our needs and our self worth and then to articulate them can be scary. We may hesitate, fearing that we may not get the answer we want to hear. And yet, that may be the very answer we need to hear. To say what we want or need might close one door that has to be closed so that the right door can be sought out and opened. Will God help us locate the right door? Maybe God has, but we didn’t notice.
Going back to our opening phrase: “Children are to be seen and not heard,” it certainly has the ring of judgmental language which connects to the other main lesson of this gospel passage: “Do not judge and you will not be judged.” The standard you use on others will be used on you. Judgment in this regard is about condemnation, picking out the dust from another’s eye without even noticing the log in our own eye. The judgment that children should be seen and not heard is to conclude that children have nothing to say that’s worth hearing. This can dampen the creativity, ingenuity and spontaneity in a child at a time when it is often the most vibrant and most worthy of being encouraged. Ask, search, knock – these are all directives to us to be active in mind and heart, certainly something God intends for us.
“Judge not” means “condemn not,” it does not mean: do not think, consider, evaluate, or discern. It means do all that with a healthy humility that says I’m searching for the truth not presuming to have it. If, ultimately, we do get to the place where constructive criticism is needed, it is not motivated by a belief in one’s own perfection or superiority but rather in a genuine concern for the other as perceived from one’s own far from perfect, yet loving, vantage-point. And if we can bring ourselves to see “correction” from this perspective, then we may be getting closer to seeing what God’s perspective is in “judging”, and of course forgiving, as a loving father.
Today’s Gospel is taken from St. Matthew’s account of the Sermon on the Mount. If our Gospel reading had included the next verse in chapter 7 (vs 12) which says: “do unto others as you would have others do unto you,” we would have been brought back full circle to the first verse of the chapter which speaks about judgment. If we approach “judgment” from the perspective of how we treat others then we will finally be getting the point. If we want to be understood, then we need to seek to understand the other, even in their moments of anger, fear, insecurity, exuberance, dishonesty, enthusiasm, hurt, sadness or whatever state they may be in. Likewise, if we are in such a state, we hope others will treat us with the same understanding and concern that we are called on to treat them. Doing so will make our lives, and everyone else’s, better, which is why Matthew 7:12 is called “the Golden Rule.”
Christ is in our midst!
